Quotes, Proverbs & Sayings

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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

«I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | About: Comedy, Funny| Keywords: submarine, submarines

«It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: cocky, wave

«I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | About: Music, Senses| Keywords: I Tried

«Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | About: Comedy, Funny| Keywords: alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, goddamn, yelled

«I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: blowing, bubble, carefree, flavor, flavored, flavors, gum, gums, mortality, pondered, pondering, ponders

«I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: following, hook, hook up, hook up with, sick, sick of

«I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: pyramid, The Pyramids, unnecessary

«An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: convenience, conveniences, escalator, escalators, out of order, sorry, sorry for, stair, stairs, temporarily, up the stairs

«My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | About: Comedy, Food| Keywords: banana, bananas, frozen, regular, yeah

«If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable...»

Author: Mitch Hedberg (Comedian) | Keywords: fell, sidewalk, sidewalks, tightrope, unacceptable, walker, walkers

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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

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